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100 Hilarious Funny Jokes SMS Text Msgs Messages in English

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100 Hilarious Funny Jokes SMS Text Msgs Messages in English

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1. Whenever you feel worthless, remember. You were once the quickest sperm cell.

2.
My name is little dancing man but you can call me dark and every day I do a jig from morning until dark.
Fine lassies come from far and wide to watch me shake my touch and if they start to crowd me 1 yell ‘ladies’ please don’t push!

3.
Pappu went to a doctor to get a solution of loose motions.
Doctor: tell me, what’s your problem?
Pappu: Suffering from unlimited free outgoing with different ringtones.

4.
Manager: What is your qualification?
Pappu: I’m Ph.D.
Manager: What do you mean by Ph.D.?
Pappu: Passed high school with difficulty.

5. Once Rajnikanth went to Switzerland and accidentally dropped his wallet in a building. Since then the building is known as ‘Swiss Bank’

6. The best day for you in the whole year is April 1 because that’s the day that suits you best.

7. Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position…

8.
Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Sardar: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but forgot to stop it.

9. A fast beating heart doesn’t always mean love. A blushing face is not always a sign that you’re in love. Sometimes hubog lang! Hahaha

10. Every new year’s I resolve to lose 20 pounds and I do. The problem is that I gain 30.

11.
A cute Nurse came for interview.
Doctor: What salary do you expect?
Nurse: Rs 10,000
Doctor was overjoyed and said: My pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure its Rs 25,000

12.
Wife: whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don’t know what to do?
Husband: Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them!

13.
New way of writing answers in exams.
If you don’t know the answer,
then put lines like this:
||||||||||
and write below:
‘Scratch here for ANSWERS’

14.
One boy on his way to home with his mom after school,
Saw a couple kissing on the road,
He suddenly shouted and said look mom,
They are fighting for CHEWING GUM.

15.
Height of Shame.
At bus stop a girl was standing with her face covered. A man on bike stops and says ‘Let’s have fun today!’
Girl replies: Papa it’s me!

16.
Husband and Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom: He fought with me again,
I am coming to you.
Mom: No Sun, he must pay for his mistake,
I am coming to stay with you!

17.
Seriously first time in Indian history. Latest funny event occurred Friends, Petrol is cheaper then Onions in India!

18. The world is here at, Sharad University…
Where are you?
At a better university.

19. A boy got rejected and girl got selected in an interview for same reason. Think? they both had the first two buttons of their shirts open in front of the CEO … Jokes!

20. A man lost on no-man’s-land Island. One day he decided to build a wood boat to save his life. Suddenly a hot girl came there and the man use the wood for making bed. Moral – A girl can change your goal.

21. Sweet Fact: If a Girl has balance in her cell, then she definitely has a boyfriend and if a boy has sufficient balance in his cell, then he surely does not have any girlfriend.

22. Heated gold becomes ornaments, beaten copper become wires, compressed rocks become diamonds and mentally tortured men become ‘Best Husbands’

23. On a romantic day titu’s GF asks him, ‘Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring? ‘Titu: from landline or mobile.

24.
Height of Social Networking:
A girl’s Facebook status: I’m online from Toilet!
.
Her sister commented on status: come
out fast, I’m getting emergency!

25.
Q: Why did titu take his pregnant wife tiya to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised ‘Free Delivery’

26. Best advice to young boys: If you want to change the nation, do it now. Once you get married, you won’t be able to change even the TV channel!

27. Why are wives ‘more’ dangerous than the Mafia?
The mafia wants either your money or life…
The wives want both!

28.
Madam: Who searched ‘I Love You’?
Titu: China!
Madan: How?
Titu: It’s has no warranty. If works, till forever. If not, then no ever.

29.
Dog was Chasing Titu
Titu runs, but Laughing…
A Man asked why are you Laughing? Titu replied
I have put Vodafone Sim, but the Hutch network is Following…

30.
A Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin
colleague asked: What happened?
She replied: He asked me are you free tonight?
I said: Yes, and bastard give me 101 pages of work.
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31. An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope Santa Singh was observing him, suddenly a star falls, seeing that Santa Singh shouted, ‘Kya nishana lagaya hai!’ Waah… Waah…

32. If you think your boss is stupid.
Remember,
You would not get the job.
If he was smarter.

33. The heights of Bad Luck A boy and cute girl met last time for their break up. Girl’s father and boy’s mother caught them. Now they are married couple…

34.
How to reduce weight?
First turn your head to the right and then to the left.
Repeat this one whenever you have given something to eat!

35. Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs 10 and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

36.
Madam to Student: Last Semester you were roaming
with that girl and this semester, you are roaming with other.
What you think of yourself?
Boy: Syllabus changed mam.

37.
Relationship status and singer,
Before relationship, Honey Singh!
When in relationship: Arjit Singh!
After breakup: Jagjit Singh.

38.
English Teacher: One cute and young girl is walking on the road. Change this into a Punjabi exclamatory sentence. Sardar student: Oye, Pataka!

39. After a big accident, a man was crying: O God! I have lost my left hand?
Santa: Control yourself my friend. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

40.
After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk: Did you see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes, I saw you.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk: Did you?
Second Clerk: No, but my wife saw you!

41.
Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: You can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.

42. A Sardar looking at sky asks another Sardar: Is that a sun or moon? Other Sardar replies: Oye! No idea… I’m new to this city.

43. What is the extreme limit of stupidity? Two Sardars sitting on a Rikshaw and fighting for a corner seat.

44. Once a Sardar, his wife, son and daughter went to a private party. There he introduces his family to a stranger by saying, ‘I am Sardar, she is Sardarni, he is my kid and she is my kidney.’

45. A lady tourist went to a country on a vacation. In the evening, she was toddling on the beach. A security person came to her and said, ‘Mam only one-piece is allowed here.’ The lady was awe, thinking which one to open.

46. Once Amitabhh Bachchann and Pran were travelling in a train and were engaged in a good gossip for the entire journey. A station came after hours and Pran boarded off. Mr. Bachchan remained. A stranger co-passenger asked to Mr. Bachchan, “Both of you seemed good friend, why didn’t you go away with him.” Amitabh said, “Pran jae per Vachan na jae.”

47. While visiting Santa’s house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model. Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there. ‘Oh,’ Santa replied, “I have decided to watch less Tv.’

48. I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
jokes in Hindi
jokes in English
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So, I’m sending you just 1 joke
Very funny
Funniest One
Full of Laugh N Comedy
“You are so beautiful”

49. When somebody who is deeply
in Love with you tells that
You are
cute, beautiful, & angelic, talented
I agree. That’s true,
Believe me, I swear because love is definitely blind

50. Most people have 5 senses.
Some people have 6 senses.
But your blessed with 7 senses.
An extra sense is NON-SENSE.

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